(April 1, Intercourse, PA) In what will go down in history as one of the oddest political pairings as well as one of the most blatantly obvious panders, democratic presidential hopeful, Hillary Clinton told a packed school gymnasium of over 73 people that if she gets her party’s nomination, “Senator Larry Craig from Idaho would be my choice for Vice President.” That stunning announcement was met with a smattering of applause, a great deal of heckling, jeering and some downright violence. Most of the crowd departed before Mrs. Clinton was done delivering her speech.
Hillary, engaged in a bitter primary battle, is hoping to stop the gains the front runner in the race, Barak Obama, is seeing as he tours Pennsylvania by bus, addressing huge, enthusiastic crowds. Obama has recently narrowed the gap between himself and Mrs. Clinton. The Pennsylvania primary may in fact determine who will be the democratic nominee this fall.
After a withering 10 day period where Hillary had to defend her outrageous lies about landing in Kosovo as snipers fired at her, distancing herself from the racists comments of Geraldine Ferraro, Camp Clinton appears to be on a last-ditch kamikaze run for April 22. Last week in Pittsburgh she met with Richard Mellon Scaife, one of the prime movers financing various attacks on the administration of Bill Clinton. One operative close to the candidate noted, “That is just like Bill Clinton having a love affair with Ken Starr. What is she thinking?”
With race and gender having been controversial components of this often nasty campaign that has seen surrogates for both candidates publicly making rude, offensive, derogatory comments about the other side, one old time democratic operative hack said, “This is pure genius on Hillary’s part. I bet that screwball Carville cooked this one up.”
James Carville, former campaign manager for Bill Clinton in 1992, now a hideously ugly CNN pundit, did offer a comment in response, hollering that “Maybe, just may...may...maybe it is brilliant. Hey, after all, y’all think you cannot criticize a black man, but it’s OK to go after Hillary well...ah..um..y’all got it now. Just try goin’ after a fah... fagg...I mean a homosexual on the ticket with Hillary. Go a...a...ah...ah...ahead, just try.”
The shock value of this announcement can not be overstated. Senator Larry Craig, a Republican from Idaho with a penchant for sordid, semisecret homosexual liaisons in airport men’s rooms, truck stops and highway rest areas, was publicly humiliated after an arrest was made public last August. Craig was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer at the St. Paul Airport. After originally pleading guilty and promising to resign from the Senate, he later tried to have his plea changed and remains serving in the Senate today. He did announce that he will not be seeking another term.
According to insiders close to both Clinton and Craig, this deal has been quietly worked for several weeks. One anonymous source said that “Bill Clinton and Jim McGreevey flew up to Idaho two weekends ago to spend some quiet time “bonding” with Larry Craig. The three of them enjoyed a pleasant weekend of fishing, elk hunting, rock climbing and long, quiet walks through the woods at dusk. At night thye sat around the glow of a campfire drinking mocha lattes, smoking cigars and exchanging intimate thoughts. Actually, McGreevey did not want to leave and literally wept as he was driven back to the airport. Thank God Barney Frank was waiting for him at Newark Airport.” James McGreevey is the former Governor of New Jersey who resigned that office after declaring he was a “gay American” and had a sexual affair with a male aide on his staff. His close friend and sometime dance partner, Barney Frank, is an openly gay Congressperson from Massachusetts.
At the conclusion of her Intercourse speech, Mrs. Clinton briefly met with reporters. She seemed anxious to elaborate on her shocking choice for VP. “I served with Larry Craig in the Senate. He was always a gentleman. Never once did he pinch my large booty or make rude comments about my hips; not like that slobbering drunk Ted Kennedy. Never once did he allude to the fact that sex with a goat would be better than with me like that blithering idiot Senator Byrd, that West Virginia Hillbilly. No. Larry Craig is a man of focus and determination. Do you think it is easy for an ugly, balding, middle-aged closet gay man to hook up with sexual partners in truck stops? No sirreee. That takes focus, determination and a can-do attitude. That’s just what we need on this ticket.”
Pee Wee Herman, a long time celebrity supporter of Craig’s, now acting as his assistant spokesperson told reporters after an S&M show in San Francisco, “Isn’t it just marvelous? Hillary and Larry in the White House. Boy, I’ll bet this has to shut up that nasty old Obama. I used to think he was cute but, boy, he’s just so mean. Larry Craig will be an excellent vice president, he knows all about vice.”
A highly placed operative for the Obama campaign did acknowledge that the announcement of Larry Craig as her potential running mate, if she wins the nomination, does present a challenge. Speaking not for attribution he commented that, “It will be more difficult to attack her now. After all, we’re democrats and blacks, gays and all other sorts are our natural constituency. We thought we had it made because Barak is black...actually he’s black and white....I mean, he’s biracial. Who knows who Barak will have to pick as a running mate now that she has a disgraced conservative homosexual. That’s tough to beat.”