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FORMER PRESIDENT ALLEGES VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY

 


                                  Bill Says “They” Conspire To Keep Hillary Out Of White House


(May 27, TBC) Speaking at a campaign event in South Dakota this past Sunday, Bill Clinton, former President and husband of current Democratic candidate, Hillary, told the small audience that some unidentified forces were trying to “cover up” certain information regarding his wife’s chances for general election victory. Clearly, she must first get past frontrunner, Barak Obama to secure the Democratic Party nomination.

The former President, who has been a vigorous, if not nasty, rabid, loose cannon of a surrogate for Hillary, appears to be slipping dangerously close to that ill-defined border separating sanity from insanity. His remarks, illogical and paranoid, signal his rapid deterioration. Mr. Clinton appeared close to some sort of breakdown, fit or tantrum as he blathered, “I can’t believe it. It is just frantic the way they are trying to push and pressure and bully all these super delegates to come out.” Mr. Clinton repeatedly described the forces allied against his wife as, “they” and “some”; terms he never did specifically identify in any way. One psychiatrist present at the event noted, “When ‘they’ and ‘some’ are all out to get you, that is the vocabulary associated with the paranoid mind, perhaps delusionally paranoid. It may be a contagious condition. Obviously Bill and Hillary suffer from it but who gave it to who would require advanced clinical study.”

As his rage grew, the crowd began to drift away. Several young children were seen crying and running away as their parents chased after them. One elderly woman in the front row vomited and gave Mr. Clinton ‘the finger’. He promptly threw a jelly donut at her that hit her on the shoulder. She was escorted away by friends. The nearly apoplectic former President continued, “Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up.” Still, Clinton failed to elaborate on who he was accusing.

Oddly, Mr. Clinton’s remarks were strangely reminiscent of his wife’s now infamous comments accusing a “Vast right wing conspiracy” as the prime force working to undermine and impeach her husband in 1998. The notion of a ‘conspiracy’ of any sort was roundly criticized at the time. Mr. Clinton’s own indiscretions, actions and those of members of his administration fueled the fires that outraged many. Actually, it is the “Clinton Years” in the White House, 1993 through 2001, that are most often cited as the beginning of the “politics of personal destruction.” It seems now that the Clinton’s themselves, on the verge of defeat, have now mastered that craft.

By the time he concluded his remarks, Clinton was red-faced, sputtering, sweating profusely and shaking. The only people remaining to witness his speech in its entirety were members of the press, many drunk or hung over from the stress of having to cover Bill Clinton as he campaigns for his wife.

As the former President and his entourage left for the airport, their small caravan of Secret Service SUV’s were pelted by beer cans, sugar beets, eggs, yams, cow flops and the occasional watermelon. At one point a dead sow was tossed in the caravan’s path but they easily avoided the obstacle. No injuries or arrests were reported. The sow had died earlier in the day from natural causes. It was later butchered, barbecued and served to a large crowd at a Barak Obama rally.

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

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OBAMA HIRES SHAMAN & EXORCIST TO EXPEL CLINTON

 

Hillary Beast Survives Night Of Living Dead

 

  

 

(April 23, Evansville, IN)  The growing frustration inside the Barak Obama campaign escalated significantly last night as his persistent, maniacal opponent saved her sinking campaign by scoring a victory in the Pennsylvania primary.  While both Clinton and Obama fought hard in this key state each spending millions in their efforts, it was old fashioned politics that won the race for Clinton.  With the support of Pennsylvania Governor, Ed Rendell and his vast, corrupt, shady political machine at her disposal, Hillary managed to grease enough palms, apply sufficient pressure where ever possible and toss around enough “walking around money” in the black community, to win by a margin of 10 percentage points.  While her overall plight remains the same – she continues to trail Obama in popular votes and pledged delegates -  last night’s win allows her rotting corpse of a campaign to continue to putrefy the process, do damage to her own party and virtually assure a victory for the GOP’s John McCain in November.

 

“I will say she has morphed into something of a horror movie monster.  Just when you think her rotten campaign is finally dead, she somehow manages to emerge from the deep, dark open grave.  Frankly, when I know I will be seeing her in person I always wear a glove of garlic around my neck.  She scares the hell out of me”, said Democratic Party Chairman, Howard Dean.  “There is the possibility she is not human.  Certainly she demonstrates few of the basic qualities of humanity.  She is masterful, though, at deception, spewing toxic venom, sorcery and shape-shifting.  I believe only a silver bullet or a stake driven into her heart could stop her campaign”, commented Denis Kucinich, a former democratic presidential rival.

 

The Obama campaign expected a Clinton victory but was making every effort to keep her margin of error to within the single digits.  “Yes we are disappointed but, thankfully, we are still ahead.  This might give her new political life on the trail but does little to improve her chances of ever getting the nomination”, noted Dave Axelrod, head of the Barak campaign.

 

Some insiders close to other insiders who are a bit further inside the Obama camp and a great deal closer to those closest to the insiders, speaking anonymously, revealed that “We hear they are bringing in a shaman, an old-fashioned medicine man to see if that helps.  There has been talk of finding an exorcist but, thus far, there has not been a response from the Jesuits at Georgetown.  We also know that several practitioners of Santeria have been consulted and may be providing some candles and other stuff to see if that helps.”  Clearly, from leaks such as these, Team Obama is coming to terms with the true nature of his tenacious opponent. 

 

While some political pundits and observers debunk the claims that Hillary is evil incarnate and has made a deal with the devil to advance her own political agenda and career, some are not as quick to dismiss this line of thought.  Dr. Parcel de Poste, a PH.D. in Paranormal Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota commented, “To be completely objective about it, to look at her, if you really study her face and eyes, it is very difficult to believe she is not at least insane or, at worst, pure evil.”

 

An interesting quirk regarding Mrs. Clinton’s personal travel habits may be more revealing than initially realized.  During the Iowa Caucuses, a chambermaid at the Pig, Corn and Bean Motel in Flattus, Iowa told reporters that when she went into clean the room Hillary was staying in, “all the mirrors were covered up.”  Rumors that an android clone meticulously crafted to appear, sound, behave, rant and rave just like the real Hillary Clinton, is utilized for her appearances during daylight hours.  This would lend credence to the theory that Mrs. Clinton is actually “among the un-dead”.  “Her aversion to sunlight, her fear of her mirror image…things like that should give us all great concern”, said General Mal Hayes, commander of the ultra secret military base in Nevada simply known as “Area 51”.  General Hayes continued, “We do some cutting edge research into paranormal phenomenon here.  We work closely with Sandia National Laboratory and the folks at Los Alamos.  It is the conclusion of all involved that Hillary Clinton is about as Para-normal, if not down right abnormal, as can be.  We would like to drop her into the Hindu Kush Mountains just to see if she could find Bin Laden.  We’ve tried everything else plus, it would put all her negative energy to positive use.”

 

The Clinton camp, suddenly bolstered by last night’s victory, promises that the tide has turned for her campaign.  This type of self delusion and collective idiocy is common among some gangs, most religious cults and all failed and failing political campaigns.

 

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HILLARY GETTING “COMMON”


HUGE YARD SALE AT EMBASSY ROW HOME


(April 15, Washington, DC) In an effort to better establish herself among voters as a “common” person, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted a yard sale in front of her $2.85 million home here on Whitehaven Street around the block from Embassy Row. In the aftermath of Barak Obama’s statements considered by many to be offensive to small town and rural residents, Mrs. Clinton is doing all she can to paint Obama, the Democratic frontrunner as an “elitist”.

Beginning last weekend when Hillary spent Saturday night getting rip-roaring sloppy drunk while drinking shots and beers in Indiana, everyday she makes another alteration to her image hoping to solidify the notion of her “commonness” with working class voters.

The inconsistencies in her claims and condemnations of Senator Obama for being “elitist” and “out of touch “with the common person, have not been without backlash. It has been well document in the press that Mrs. Clinton and her husband, former President Bill, reported earnings of almost $109 million since Mr. Clinton left office in 2001. The fact that they own several very expensive residences and live well beyond the imagination of most common people, the New York senator is insistently trying to convince voters that she is “one of them”.

To that end today, Mrs. Clinton held a yard sale in front of her Washington DC home. The sidewalk in front of her home was cluttered with rolling garment racks heavily burdened by the hundreds of pants suits, overcoats, sportswear and other wardrobe items. When word of her yard sale made its way through the neighborhood and into DC proper, the crowds began to appear. Many of Hillary’s trademark, designer, tailor-made pant suits which had each cost well over $1200 were sold for as little as $18 in some cases. Several of the pant suits had to sold as ‘separates’ because the jacket easily fit the woman buying it while the pants would have been far too large for the buyer. One shopper, Glynnis Wynn from Washington DC said “Hell yes, I bought 3 of those pants suits. One is black, one is kinda tan and the other is lime green. My fat-aced husband will have to wear the pants…they just way too big for me”.

Many of the potential buyers decided to simply browse and not make any purchases. One of them, Brenda Fontaine who traveled from Baltimore commented, “Hail no, I ain’t buyin’ none a this sh*t. Can you believe some of the colors of this crap? You’d think a woman who went to college and was married to a President would have much better taste in clothes. I wouldn’t wear any a this sh*t if I was bare aced naked in December”.

While the yard sale went on outside, Mrs. Clinton sat with reporters in one of the well appointed parlors in her glamorous, stately home. “I will only be wearing clothing from Walmart, Target and perhaps, Sears. I never really liked wearing such expensive, custom made clothing, fine jewelry and outrageously expensive garments. I’m just a regular gal from Illinois who ~~~BELCH~~~ likes to hunt, fish, skeet shoot, arm wrestle and get drunk”, Mrs. Clinton told reporters. She continued while taking hefty swigs from a half pint bottle of Popov Vodka, “I remember my grandfather teaching me to ```FART``` shoot a shotgun when I was about 3 years old. He was enormously proud of me when I shot my first bear in fourth grade and just as proud when I accidentally shot his neighbor Lloyd while I was home from Yale Law School.”

While the furnishing and décor in her home were obviously very expensive, the candidate herself was dressed in camouflage pants, Walmart work boots and a Philadelphia Eagles tee shirt with several whole and a large ketchup stain on the front. When a reporter asked about the stain, Hillary , smiled shyly, belched a few times, picked her teeth with a pocket knife answering, “Oh this?? I didn’t even notice that. Oh, now I remember. I had a few burritos, a chile dog and fries for breakfast this ~~~BURP~~~ morning. I guess I use a little too much ketchup on my fries”.

As Hillary escorted the reporters out of the multimillion dollar mansion, one of the journalists commented on the art adorning the richly paneled walls. Mrs. Clinton began to smile broadly and, as she scratched her large, flabby ace, elaborated saying, “This is a favorite of mine. The dogs playing poker on velvet is a classic. I bought this from a truck stop in Arkansas and believe it is one of the finest works of art ever. Over here”, said the Presidential candidate, “is a gorgeous rendition of Elvis. It is made of small beads Elmer's glued to black velvet. I think it would be a fine addition to the Oval Office.”

As the reporters began to rapidly flee, the yard sale outside appeared to have been a failure. Lanny Davis, one of Hillary’s most ardent, clinging, adoring, homosexual, Jewish supporters sadly commented, “They just wouldn’t buy this beautiful stuff. They are tasteless pagans, republicans, no friends of ours.” Hillary, despite her known affection for the ace-kissing, toe-licking, brown-nosing Lanny Davis, reeled back and punched Mr. Davis as hard as she could in the balls. “Hey, Lanny. Go get me a f*ckin’ beer. And while you’re at it, bring my spittoon out here too”, Mrs. Clinton bellowed in a feral tone.

The Clinton Campaign is expected to participate in an event tomorrow night in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. Among the activities Mrs. Clinton has announced she will participate in are, the hog castrating competition, the cow flop tossing contest and the Hairiest Chest in the Upper Piedmont Region. Insiders claim that she is a virtual “shoe-in” to win all these events and, perhaps, the Gizzard Eating Glutton-A-Thon as well.

Senator Clinton currently trails behind Senator Obama in national polls by at least 10 percentage points and is dropping steadily in polls conducted in Pennsylvania, Indiana, North Carolina and Puerto Rico.

Copyright TBC © 2008 All Rights Reserved
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BITTER ROOTS, RAW NERVES & UNMITIGATED GALL


BILL & HIL POUNCE ON OBAMA’S COMMENTS
Hillary Tries Her Hand At “Anti-Elitism” At Indiana Gin mill


(April 13, Grantham, PA) The most dangerous beings in the world are those that are cornered. Be they rat, cat, dog, mongoose, snake or politician, once they perceive danger and threat, they automatically, instinctually become other than their nature. Known as the “Fight or Flight” response, it is biologically hardwired into the neural circuits of virtually every creature on the planet. Perhaps, it is no more acutely, viciously displayed than in the case of a politician watching years of hard work, hopes, aspirations, millions of dollars and a lifetime of ace-kissing not pay off.

The most stunning display of a politician’s brain awash in “Fight or Flight” neurochemicals, is Hillary Clinton. Her descent into the abyss of a lost election and certain insanity, witnessed by the American public, has been startling if not actually frightening. As the suffocating pressure of reality continues to exert itself, Mrs. Clinton continues to respond in a manner that raises ever more serious questions about her mental state. With alarming frequency, she has allowed her brain chemistry, raw emotion and venomous anger dominate her words, actions, and behavior.

Last night in a half-aced “restaurant and lounge” which in reality is no more than a seedy roadside tavern with a short-order cook, Mrs. Clinton engaged in a night of drinking that would have rendered Ted Kennedy comatose. After having spent another pathetic day on the campaign trail blathering incoherently in a very critical, nasty tone, about her front-running opponent, Barak Obama, the 60 year old Democratic Senator appeared in need of relaxation if not intoxication. She was able to achieve stupification.

The candidate and her hapless campaign team had spent the previous 24 hours attempting to convince voters that Senator Obama is an “elitist’. She levied this outrageous charge after comments made by Mr. Obama last weekend at a fundraiser in Marin County, California became public. At that event, Mr. Obama stated that many of the voters living in small towns “cling to guns and religion” and are “bitter” that economic hardships have infiltrated their lives. He also noted that, perhaps, some of such voters “anti-immigration” sentiments are also a product of being “bitter”.

Oddly, the fact that Hillary Clinton was accusing Obama of being an ‘elitist’ seemed even more outlandish given that just earlier last week the income of her and her husband was publicly reported to be $108 million over the last seven years. Since the comments made by Senator Obama have been made public, Clinton and the presumptive GOP candidate, Senator John McCain, have used Obama’s own words against him but, to little or no effect. Current polling data strongly suggests that the ludicrous assertions used to attack Mr. Obama have been pitifully ineffective. “This is all they have. This is all they can do. Senator Obama is close to winning the Democratic nomination and the Clinton campaign can do nothing but spew out more and more lies. Talk about sniper fire! It is sad, in a way, to have to witness the mental breakdown of a sitting United States Senator and a former US President”, commented Marc Axelrod a top Obama advisor.

In her futile attempt to portray herself as “anti-elitist’, she decided to spend the night here at Bronko’s bar. Determined to impress the mostly obese patrons of this dilapidated roadhouse, she began to match them shot for shot and beer for beer. One of her close advisors who remained sober throughout the long, rowdy night, speaking anonymously to the press said, “ She has to appeal to the anti-elite, unemployed, church-going, gun-toting, boilermaker-drinking, white, male, bowlers. The exact demographic so grossly on display here tonight. Look around, these guys she’s drinking with, would rather have leprosy and surgical castration before they’d ever vote for a black man. She knows it, we know it, they know it and now, you know it”.

As is often the case in such settings, the night got off to a very cordial, polite beginning. Mrs. Clinton insisted on starting a tab and was drinking like a freshman frat boy during rush week. As the hours went by and gallons of cheap, tepid beer continued to chase shots of whiskey, some of those present grew somewhat rude, even belligerent if not openly hostile towards Mrs. Clinton. Several of the patrons began to tell her to “Shut the fock up”. Some of the more centrist drinkers repeatedly requested that Hillary “Jump up on the bar, shake your ace and show us your boobies”.

The former First Lady politely demurred from those requests but, not wanting to alienate any voters, she suggested they all participate in drinking games and a belching contest. Mrs. Clinton easily won all the drinking games and fought a tough battle with a local, unemployed manure tank cleaner, Sheldon “Slug” Borchstenslammer, to capture the belching contest.

While the crowd cheered on her belching victory, Mrs. Clinton defiantly, loudly and repetitively broke wind. It seemed as if the fact that Hillary was producing more flatulence than a herd of fat heifers, gave the others present permission to do the same.

Soon, Bronko’s resembled the campfire scene in ‘Blazing Saddles’ both audibly and aromatically. Shortly, several fist fights broke out and the crowd became restless. Quickly, Mrs. Clinton’s Secret Service detail moved to extricate her from the growing violence and chaos but she resisted. She was seen smacking one Secret Service agent in the head with a pitcher of beer and choked another with his own neck tie.

Federal, state and local law enforcement personnel responded to the scene. It took them several hours, numerous canisters of tear gas, attack dogs and excessive force to disperse the crowd.

Mrs. Clinton will appear here tonight in Grantham, on the campus of Messiah College, where she will participate with her opponent, Barak Obama, in the Compassion Forum. "The Compassion Forum will give the candidates a chance to talk straight to voters about what they'll do as president to fulfill God's command that we be our brothers' keepers," said Governor Mike Huckabee, a supporter of the event. "I'm proud that the faith community is taking the lead in asking the candidates to confront the most pressing moral challenges of our times."

Some close advisors have quietly expressed concern about Mrs. Clinton’s ability to be articulate at tonight's Forum after a night of such heavy drinking. One of her oldest friends, speaking not for attribution commented, “She’ll be just fine. Hillary is no stranger to drinking. She will be on time, on message and on alot of drugs. She will certainly wear an extra adult diaper, drink a can or two more of Ensure than usual, and do just brilliantly”.

Others, including Hillary’s husband, Bill Clinton, are not as confident. It was only days ago that Mr. Clinton told a crowd in Boonville, Indiana some of the details of his wife’s long list of physical and mental disorders. “This has been tough on her. She’s deteriorating daily. At 3 o’clock in the morning, she can’t even find the phone let alone speak. So what, so she had a few belts last night. What’s the big deal? I’m more worried about her exhaustion, gas and rickets. Hail, she’s used to drinking like a warrior. She is a regular gal. She bowls, belches, drinks and still firmly believes in tax breaks for the middle class, the war in Iraq and that somebody tried to shoot her in Bosnia in 1995. She’s the only one in this race with those kind of qualifications,” vigorously stated mr. Clinton in defense of his wife. ‘You just watch. She’ll be able to hold it together for as long as this Forum takes. After that, that’s none of your business”.

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved
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RENOWNED EXPERT ISSUES 2008 HURRICANE FORECAST

MISSISSIPPI BASED STORM SPECIALISTS DISAGREE
Insurance Premiums, Lives and Wagering Hang In The Balance

(April 9, Saucier, MS)  Colorado Springs is quite a distance from the Gulf Coast.  The hearty, proud folks who occupy this fragile, vulnerable corner of our country, are possessed of a native, local intelligence not easily quantifiable.  These people, whose families have lived in the marshes, swamps and coastal lowlands from Galveston, Texas to Mobile, Alabama, for generations, know the terrain, climate, weather and, in a sense, the immediate future, better than any academic Ph. D. expert in any discipline related to this particular turf.

Dr. William Gray, from Colorado State University has worked in the observational and theoretical aspects of tropical meteorological research for more than 40 years.  He has won acclaim and awards for his pioneering work on tropical storms, Atlantic Coast cyclones; better known as hurricanes.  His forecasts and predictions, besides being underwritten by the federal government via our National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration, have been utilized by federal, state and local agencies for decades.  Dr. Gray’s work, in totality, has been remarkable.  In the majority of instances his predictions have been remarkably, consistently wrong.

Dr. Wuo Hung Dung, the Director of the Blankin Enterprises financied, Atlantic Storm System Predictive Analytic Center (ASSPAC), located in Moss Point, Mississippi, resoundingly disputes Dr. Gray’s forecast for 2008. “ He seem not to know what he talkin’ ‘bout.  His methodology and calculations are so skewed, i cannot begin to explain it.” 

It must be noted that the predictions announced today are actually revisions of the hurricane forecast Dr. Gray and his colleagues issued in December 2007.  Mississippi native, entrepreneur, billionaire, Blogger Blankin, financier of ASSPAC commented, “ If I had the luxury of  changing my forecasts, predictions and investment strategy like Dr. Gray has the luxury of changing his forecasts to make  his predictions appear correct, I’d have dumped Tyco and WorldCom and sold it all to Dr. Gray.”

Blankin, the reclusive, billionaire active in conservative GOP movements, Republican national Committee politics, childhood friend of Governor Haley Barbour and confidante of the recently deceased, William F. Buckley, is prepared to challenge Dr. Gray’s work.  “ I not only disagree with Bill Gray and his associates up in Colorado, I’m willing to put a significant wager on the data provided by ASSPAC.  I have faith that our data is far more accurate than anything coming out of the Rockies. Dr. Dung ranks highly above the atmospheric theoretical geophysicists of today.  He’s basically the Dale Earnhardt of hurricane science, and the Brett Favre of Storm predictions. If Dr. Gray, with all due respect, cares to back his data with some cash, I’m more than happy to oblige.”

Blankin further noted that ‘hell, every insurance company in the world employs thousands of actuaries, statisticians and mathematicians to calculate premiums, the odds of this disaster or that catastrophe happening.  I think there’s some money to be made in that.  I even think your average Joe, living in a hurricane prone area, likely to loose his mobile home, Jeep and dog might care to place a wager.  I am promising to utilize all of Dr. Gray’s data, definitions, and predictions as the baseline of gambling lines and prop bets that will no doubt flood in once it is known I am underwriting the entire endeavor.”

The Palermo Associates of new York City, the legal representative of Blankin Global Enterprises, et al. has established a legal relationship with an offshore gaming broker in the Cayman Islands.  However, Vincent D. Nuzzio, Chief Financial Attorney for Palermo Associates said, ‘ In my view this action need not be taken offshore.  This is not gambling.  If you are an insurer or underwriter, this is merely speculative investing.  My question to the SEC, IRS, DOJ, FEMA, OTB and the FBI is, ‘why can’t a fella without an MBA or Schwab Account get in on this action?  Hey, we aren’t putting a vig or penalties on any wager. What could be more American than that’?  Depending on the odds, probability and a guys luck, a well placed $100 bet would payoff ten times better than State Farm Home Owners Insurance.  Besides, with us, you KNOW you are in good hands”.

Dr. Gray, the betting windows are open.  Step on up, after all, we’re using your numbers to set the odds.

Luck, be a lady tonight.  Dr. Gray, you’ve just entered the Eye of the Storm.

 Ah Capice’




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PIG PENN:

HILLARY’S SLOVENLY HACK DEMOTED

 

(April 7, NY,NY)  In the world of political consultants, advisors, operatives, strategists, public relations gurus, advertising wizards, financiers and other sordid and sundry assorted hangers on, sycophants, a*s-kissers and ingratiaters, Mark Penn ranks among the sleaziest.  Perhaps he possesses a stellar intellect and talent but it has not translated well into his management of Hillary Clinton’s campaign for the democratic presidential nomination.  A minor conflict of interest, that no one really should have considered a conflict at all, has forced him out of his high ranking position as Chief Strategist to the downgraded, more obscure slot of just another campaign advisor.  Poor Mark.  What is a brilliant, obese, slob to do?

 

This is not the first “shake-up” of what was once considered to be Team Clinton, a political juggernaut comprised of the best and the brightest.  As it turns out this has been a team of arrogant egos unable to function, or even contemplate having to function, after Super Tuesday. This is the team that thought Hillary’s candidacy in the general election was not only inevitable, but cosmically preordained.  They failed to recognize the real threat posed by Mr. Obama and clearly underestimated his talents and team. 

 

What other variables, factors, influences and trends they failed to use in their equations are almost limitless.  Team Clinton certainly failed to see just how angry the electorate is, the fact that, for many, she represents everything about politicians they despise, and they misplayed their trump card, Mr. Bill Clinton.  Oh boy, did they ever not see what damage he could inflict from inside.

 

So big, fat Mark Penn maintained his CEO position with a PR firm involved in lobbying on behalf of a South American country; lobbying, that is, for a trade issue that his candidate opposes.  This is the depth of his brilliance?  This wouldn’t be seen as a conflict of interest? Come on, Chubby.  Had your head not been stuffed into a gallon of ice cream, your ego inflated beyond your waist size, perhaps, you would have been more attuned.  Greed, Mark, greed and gluttony are both among the Seven Deadly Sins. 

 

Not exactly a scapegoat (more like a scape-rhino) Mark Penn deserves some of the blame for the flame-out of the Hillary 2008 efforts. There is more than enough blame to go around and more than enough pleasure in watching it all happen.

 

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

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DEMOCRATS APPLAUD HILLARY’S VP CHOICE

LARRY CRAIG HAS YET TO MAKE A STATEMENT

 

(April 2, Pittsburgh, PA)  Just 20 hours after her shocking announcement that Hillary Clinton has asked Idaho Republican Senator, Larry Craig, to be her running mate; the ripple effect is already altering the dynamics of this tightly contested race.  While the shear shock value has not begun to wear off for many of the party faithful, some key members of the Democratic Party, the DNC and others are feeling confident that her VP choice will definitely prove to be a big advantage.

 

DNC Chairman, Howard Dean, tried to maintain a non-committal stance when questioned about the value of having a gay republican Senator on a ticket with Mrs. Clinton.  Dean told reporters, “I’m delighted that Senator Clinton has made her choice so early.  It demonstrates a distinct sense of urgency on her part to present her message to the American public during these last primaries.  I also think it proves that the Democratic Party is truly a Big Tent where everyone is welcome.”

 

The most enthusiastic support for the VP candidacy of Larry Craig, have been the dozens of national and local gay-lesbian-transgender-transsexual-bisexual advocacy groups firmly rooted in the Democratic Party.  Toni Vahginia, President of Southern Dykes For Hillary, headquartered in Key West, Florida said, “This is a great day to be American, a lesbian, a sexual ambiguous or confused person.  I would like to kiss Hillary right on the lips.  This is truly historic.”   Virtually every advocacy group associated with gay and lesbian rights have issued similarly supportive statements. 

 

There are some in the Democratic Party who have yet to determine if Craig will help or hurt Clinton as the primary season enters the crucial final phase.  Democratic strategist, Bob Schrumm, who has managed more loosing campaigns than any other political consultant in history, clearly demonstrated his political insight by commenting, “It could hurt her, it could help her.  Craig might be an asset, he might be a liability.” 

 

Former Democratic presidential hopeful, John Edwards, who has yet to endorse a candidate since dropping out of the race in February said, “Larry Craig has a wide stance on many important issues.  He knows how Washington works, behind the scenes.  He is very familiar with operating in the shadows to achieve results.  I lost a little respect for him after that men’s room arrest.  He could have done much better than an airport men’s room.”

 

One immediate benefit that the Clinton campaign has already seen has been the increased financial donations especially from celebrities.  Rosie O’Donnell, the obese, lesbian, slovenly, imbecile of daytime TV semi-fame has pledged to give half her donut and Doritos budget to the Clinton camp.  Jim Nabors said he will hold a special fund raising concert where Elton John, Boy George and the Village People will perform.  Liza Minnelli has offered to pose nude for Playboy and give the proceeds to Hillary but Playboy said they would cease publication before allowing her to appear nude or clothed.

 

Liz Taylor and Michael Jackson have announced they will host a fund raiser for Hillary at the Drag Queen Palace in Ventura, California next week.  Howard Wolfson, the spokesman for the Clinton campaign said, “We truly appreciate all the support we are seeing suddenly.  Had we known putting a gay, conservative, white man fond of illicit sex in public places on our ticket would be such a boost, we would have done so long ago.”  Another top ranking Clinton campaign operative, Harold Ickes told reporters that “I firmly believe many of the delegates and super delegates are gay.  Many of them believe I am gay.  My wife believes that too.  Perception, not truth, attracts money and right now, we need all the money we can get.  Larry Craig will attract an entirely different element to the party.  He’s living proof that behind every right-wing, ultra-conservative zealot wearing a dark suit may exist a real, sincere, liberal homosexual just waiting to be free.  We look forward to now receiving endorsements from Mark Foley,  Sean Hannity, and Bill O’Reilly.”

 

Mrs. Clinton is expected to make her first public appearance at Downtown Charlie’s in New York City’s Greenwich Village at a date and time to be announced.  The Gay Men’s Health Crisis, an AIDS advocacy group is planning a “Leather and Lace Gala” for next weekend and rumors are beginning to circulate that Clinton and Craig will make their appearance at that event.  One insider revealed, “I’ve heard that Hillary would be done up all in black leather, while Craig will be dressed, as a cowboy, in beautiful lace.  I, for one, cannot wait to see them.”
 

 

Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved

 

 

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HILLARY SAYS: “CRAIG WOULD BE MY VP”

Clinton Hopes To Tilt Campaign Her Way

A Brooding Cynyx Exclusive

(April 1, Intercourse, PA)  In what will go down in history as one of the oddest political pairings as well as one of the most blatantly obvious panders, democratic presidential hopeful, Hillary Clinton told a packed school gymnasium of over 73 people that if she gets her party’s nomination, “Senator Larry Craig from Idaho would be my choice for Vice President.”  That stunning announcement was met with a smattering of applause, a great deal of heckling, jeering and some downright violence.  Most of the crowd departed before Mrs. Clinton was done delivering her speech.

Hillary, engaged in a bitter primary battle, is hoping to stop the gains the front runner in the race, Barak Obama, is seeing as he tours Pennsylvania by bus, addressing huge, enthusiastic crowds.  Obama has recently narrowed the gap between himself and Mrs. Clinton. The Pennsylvania primary may in fact determine who will be the democratic nominee this fall. 

After a withering 10 day period where Hillary had to defend her outrageous lies about landing in Kosovo as snipers fired at her, distancing herself from the racists comments of Geraldine Ferraro, Camp Clinton appears to be on a last-ditch kamikaze run for April 22.  Last week in Pittsburgh she met with Richard Mellon Scaife, one of the prime movers financing various attacks on the administration of Bill Clinton.  One operative close to the candidate noted, “That is just like Bill Clinton having a love affair with Ken Starr.  What is she thinking?”

With race and gender having been controversial components of this often nasty campaign that has seen surrogates for both candidates publicly making rude, offensive, derogatory comments about the other side, one old time democratic operative hack said, “This is pure genius on Hillary’s part.  I bet that screwball Carville cooked this one up.”

James Carville, former campaign manager for Bill Clinton in 1992, now a hideously ugly CNN pundit, did offer a comment in response, hollering that “Maybe, just may...may...maybe it is brilliant.  Hey, after all, y’all think you cannot criticize a black man, but it’s OK to go after Hillary well...ah..um..y’all got it now.  Just try goin’ after a fah... fagg...I mean a homosexual on the ticket with Hillary.  Go a...a...ah...ah...ahead, just try.”

The shock value of this announcement can not be overstated.  Senator Larry Craig, a Republican from Idaho with a penchant for sordid, semisecret homosexual liaisons in airport men’s rooms, truck stops and highway rest areas, was publicly humiliated after an arrest was made public last August.  Craig was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer at the St. Paul Airport.  After originally pleading guilty and promising to resign from the Senate, he later tried to have his plea changed and remains serving in the Senate today.  He did announce that he will not be seeking another term.

According to insiders close to both Clinton and Craig, this deal has been quietly worked for several weeks.  One anonymous source said that “Bill Clinton and Jim McGreevey flew up to Idaho two weekends ago to spend some quiet time “bonding” with Larry Craig.  The three of them enjoyed a pleasant weekend of fishing, elk hunting, rock climbing and long, quiet walks through the woods at dusk. At night thye sat around the glow of a campfire drinking mocha lattes, smoking cigars and exchanging intimate thoughts. Actually, McGreevey did not want to leave and literally wept as he was driven back to the airport.  Thank God Barney Frank was waiting for him at Newark Airport.”  James McGreevey is the former Governor of New Jersey who resigned that office after declaring he was a “gay American” and had a sexual affair with a male aide on his staff.  His close friend and sometime dance partner, Barney Frank, is an openly gay Congressperson from Massachusetts.

At the conclusion of her Intercourse speech, Mrs. Clinton briefly met with reporters.  She seemed anxious to elaborate on her shocking choice for VP. “I served with Larry Craig in the Senate.  He was always  a gentleman.  Never once did he pinch my large booty or make rude comments about my hips; not like that slobbering drunk Ted Kennedy. Never once did he allude to the fact that sex with a goat would be better than with me like that blithering idiot Senator Byrd, that West Virginia Hillbilly. No.  Larry Craig is a man of focus and determination.  Do you think it is easy for an ugly, balding, middle-aged closet gay man to hook up with sexual partners in truck stops? No sirreee.  That takes focus, determination and a can-do attitude.  That’s just what we need on this ticket.”

Pee Wee Herman, a long time celebrity supporter of Craig’s, now acting as his assistant spokesperson told reporters after an S&M show in San Francisco, “Isn’t it just marvelous?  Hillary and Larry in the White House.  Boy, I’ll bet this has to shut up that nasty old Obama.  I used to think he was cute but, boy, he’s just so mean.  Larry Craig will be an excellent vice president, he knows all about vice.”

A highly placed operative for the Obama campaign did acknowledge that the announcement of Larry Craig as her potential running mate, if she wins the nomination, does present a challenge.  Speaking not for attribution he commented that, “It will be more difficult to attack her now.  After all, we’re democrats and blacks, gays and all other sorts are our natural constituency.  We thought we had it made because Barak is black...actually he’s black and white....I mean, he’s biracial.  Who knows who Barak will have to pick as a running mate now that she has a disgraced conservative homosexual.  That’s tough to beat.”


The Brooding Cynyx © 2008 All Rights Reserved



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OBAMA BOWLS, CLINTON HOWLS


(Mar. 31, Harrisburg, PA)  With three weeks remaining before the monumentally important Pennsylvania primary, both democratic contenders are investing time, money and resources across the state.  Front runner, Barak Obama launched a six day bus tour across the state while Hillary Clinton is practicing her particular brand of retail and wholesale politicking.  With a lull in what has been a bruising, contentious often bitter campaign season, Pennsylvania may decide who ultimately captures the nomination.  If Clinton wins the Keystone State by a significant margin, new energy will be infused into her currently floundering efforts. 

Barak Obama, the Illinois Senator received a big boost when popular democratic Governor, Bob Casey endorsed him last week.  They made several appearances together including a rally at Penn State University that drew over 20,000 people.  They also bowled Saturday night and the footage of Obama’s gutter balls have been replayed on TV news programs across the nation.  It actually appeared to be a light-hearted moment.

 

The polar opposite of light hearted has been the campaign of Hillary Clinton.  As her chances for victory grow slimmer and more and more prominent democrats and observers call for her to end her campaign, she has grown ever more shrill, angry, defiant and deceitful.  Her tone is that of a coyote stuck in a bear trap.  Her deceit and subterfuge know no bounds.

 

After having her tale of landing in Kosovo to sniper fire proven to be absolutely fabricated, she said at a rally earlier today that, “There are those folks who want to stop this election.”  “No one has expressed the idea that the election should be stopped.  That is ludicrous.  What more and more folks are saying, however is, by her remaining in a futile effort to get the nomination, she is doing tremendous harm to the party and to the party’s chances against John McClain in November”, commented one high ranking DNC official on the condition of anonymity.

 

The Clinton camp has been engaged in various behind the scenes efforts to influence delegates, both pledged and the so-called “Super Delegates” in their hopes of altering the electoral dynamic as it currently stands.  “She reminds people everywhere, even those who have always supported her, exactly why she has such high negative ratings.  She is making a fool of herself and ought to be ashamed”, said a former Clinton campaign operative who has recently left their employ.

 

While Obama continues to gain widespread support across the country and in Pennsylvania, Clinton continues to send surrogates out to defend her position on everything from her experience, character and her positions on Florida and Michigan.  In both of those states the DNC had decided last year to not allow their delegates to be seated if they held their primaries before a specific date.  All the candidates including Mrs. Clinton agreed with the DNC ruling and signed pledges to not campaign in either of those states.  “She wants to change the rules as if no rules ever have or ever will apply to the Clintons”, commented Ferlin Trusck of the American Interphase Institute.

 

“When James Carville comes out implying that Bill Richardson’s endorsement of Obama on Good Friday makes him Judas, then, every democrat in the country should be ashamed”, said Congressman Oscar Shabazz Malone from Pennsylvania.  He was referring to former democratic presidential candidate and current Governor of New Mexico gave his support to Obama after having served in the Bill Clinton administration.  Carville, the serpentine, cue-balled, stuttering, spitting sideshow attraction who ran Bill Clinton’s 1992 campaign has remained a vocal, rabid if not somewhat demented supporter of both Bill and Hillary.

 

Late this afternoon, it was learned that the Clinton campaign has failed to pay the health insurance premiums on their staff members for almost three months.  “The irony here is stunning.  Her she is out there championing universal health care and she can’t even provide for her own.  What a joke.  What an idiot”, noted Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont.  Leahy last week called for Clinton to step out of the race.

 

Clinton, after viewing the footage of Obama’s less than average bowling performance while on her campaign bus told reporters that, “I’ll debate him twice a day for the next three weeks.  I challenge him to a bowling match, a dart game, a boxing match.  I will Sump wrestle him, fight him in a steel cage, no-holds-barred style, I will compete against him in a midget tossing contest, arm wrestling or c*ck-fighting.  I will even supply him a c*ck”.  Mrs. Clinton became visibly agitated and began to throw a tantrum or have a fit of some kind.  Lanny Davis, an old time Clinton flacky and half-assed lawyer, who was present on the bus ironing Hillary’s panties and pants suit, stepped in and told reporters that “Hillary is under a great deal of stress.  She’s eating Pamperin and Excedrin like Bill used to eat Big Macs and donuts.  She’s a fighter…a real fighter. She’d beat the hell outta Barak if she could get near him.  But, don’t worry; she will win the nomination, even if it kills her and many others”.

 
As other campaign operatives wrestled a now violently ranting, barely coherent, hissing, spitting, incontinent Hillary to the floor of the bus, others could be heard calling Montel Williams to inquire if they could have his help in paying for their prescriptions. 

  The Brooding Cynyx © 2008 All Rights Reserved

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IT "SHOULDN'T HAPPEN" ANYWHERE

Reality Intrudes, Astonishes Locals

(Mar. 27, Iowa City, IA) Lives and deaths become reduced to events for those not directly affected; only members of the family of the deceased feel the loss acutely and experience it chronically. This is especially true of unnatural death, murder in particular. When the event is composed of the elements that are contained within this particular one: scandal, multiple murder, husband killing wife, father killing four children then this deranged man committing suicide on the Interstate, it is becomes an event of even greater weight and scope.

When Steve Sueppel, the former Vice President and Controller for the Hills Bank, murdered his wife and four children last Monday, then killed himself in a fiery crash on Interstate 80 just miles from the scene of his crime, this was an event, locally, of substantial proportions. True, such a sad, gruesome tragedy involving innocent children, would be an event anywhere across the land, it was of particular shock value in this Midwestern city that likes to think they live above the fray, that such horror only transpires in the dark alleys and squalid apartments of the “inner city”. 

Sueppel was facing numerous counts in federal court related to the embezzlement of over $500,000 from the Hills Bank as well as money laundering charges. Apparently the public disgrace and humiliation for this son of a prominent Iowa City attorney was the catalystic impetus that pushed him over the edge into homicidal psychosis. Perhaps, over time, as law enforcement authorities release more details of his suicide note and several phone messages left to other family members and friends, a clearer picture will emerge of this man’s last hours on earth: hours, no doubt, where he was drowning in some acute psychopathology. But, who really cares? His shame and cowardice manifest as he beat his wife and children to death with a baseball bat.

Days after madness incarnate brought incomprehensible death to this affluent development on the eastern edge of Iowa City, the sun shines, the sky is blue and lawns are showing the first hints that Spring is not far away. Yellow crime scene tape swaying in the breeze around 629 Barrington Road stands out like a steaming heap of manure on a wedding cake. The neighbors already seem somewhat weary from the attention and activity that has interrupted their lives since Monday. Despite this, none are reluctant to speak; actually, they come across as somewhat eager to give their impressions and opinions about the Sueppel’s, both their lives and deaths.

These are pleasant people, people who, to all outward appearances, are accustomed to living comfortably. Many are professionals, some associated with either the University of Iowa or the U of I Hospitals and Clinics. They drive nice vehicles with a decided preference for over-sized SUV’s that are “off-road” capable but will never be “off-road”.

Until they learned the secret life of the banker turned thief and embezzler next door, the Sueppel’s were them. Now, they look back in vain attempts to interpret a conversation or interaction as a “sign” of some sort as if, via memory they will ascertain a profound truth they missed. This is human nature yet it plays out in an odd, seemingly painful way on the faces of these Iowans who really exude an aura of Midwestern superiority.

“This sort of thing shouldn’t happen here”, says a neighborhood resident. This sentiment is heard repeatedly and each time it sounds as ignorant as the last. It begs the question, the question none here can answer, “Well, where is it supposed to happen?” As if there are specific locations around the country where murder most wicked and foul are destined to occur. They cut the conversation short after fumbling for an answer to that question. There own thoughts expressed by their words sound self-incriminating. It as if they have revealed an embarrassing truth, a secret, but a truth nonetheless. 

The lawns will grow greener and the makeshift memorial of stuffed animals, flowers and notes will either be disassembled at some appropriate time or it will be washed and blown away with the April showers soon to come. The yellow strips of crime scene tape will not survive the rains and powerful winds that are common across the Plains. What will remain within the homes and residents of this community are questions. Some will find themselves daydreaming, staring out the kitchen window as they idly wash dishes wondering, “What secrets lurk in my home, in my family?” They will question who they know and what they really know about them as they will about themselves.

 Copyright © The Brooding Cynyx 2008

 

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SMALL TOWN SORDID UNDERBELLY EXPOSED

Crime, Cocaine and Death Tied To Bank With a History

 

(Mar. 24, Hills, IA)  Nestled amid sprawling corn a bean fields, the city of Hills, Iowa does not even have a traffic light.  A mere 8 miles from the downtown section of Iowa City, this bedroom community of under 700 has known its share of scandal and intrigue.  The latest sordid tale to emanate from this unremarkable hamlet took on an even more tragic pall earlier today.

 

Hills, Iowa is the home of the Hills Bank and Trust, the seventh largest bank in the state.  With their home office on this plain and simple, if not somewhat barren Main Street, the Hills Bank brings approximately 200 employees into this quiet town daily.  This institution with a long, somewhat colorful, if not shady history, was recently rocked by scandal when a Vice President, Steven Sueppel was indicted on a host of federal charges related to allegations of theft, embezzlement, money laundering and drug purchases.  His family of 5; his wife Cheryl and their four children were discovered dead this morning after the Iowa City Police dispatcher received and anonymous call from a cell phone stating that the police needed to get to that home immediately.

 

Arriving officers found the house, at 629 Barrington Road unlocked and made the grizzly discoveries upon their initial search of the premises.  According to neighbors wishing to remain anonymous, Mr. and Mrs. Sueppel and their four children attended church services yesterday morning.  Prior to the charges filed against Mr. Sueppel, the family was well known and liked in the neighborhood and the community.  His indictment last month and the details which have slowly emerged subsequent to his release on bond have truly shocked this community which seems to see itself as somewhat immune to such events.

 

Local and state law enforcement agencies immediately began a search fro Mr. Sueppel.  They had established that the family minivan, a Toyota Siena was missing as was Mr. Sueppel.  Just hours later what may be the missing van was found ablaze after crashing into a sign stanchion approximately 9 miles from the Sueppel home on Interstate 80.  It remains unclear if the van or any human remains have been identified thus far in this fast moving investigation.  According to one Iowa DCI official speaking anonymously, the crashed van “was totally engulfed in a raging inferno.  It has been burned beyond recognition and, it follows that anyone inside that van would also be unidentifiable at this time.”

 

The Hills Bank and trust has a somewhat storied history and many in this town and the surrounding area, say it is also a “shady” history.  Established in 1904, the Hills Bank has seen impressive growth over the past 20 years.  The story of some of that growth is difficult to decipher as it is clouded in rumor, innuendo and local myth as much as in scant and somewhat suspicious facts.  According to sources familiar with the bank and some of its “major players” over the years, the Hills Bank was initially unable to grow due to its location and Iowa law.  Sources say that Iowa law stipulated that a bank could only expand and open another branch in a town or community with which it shared a contiguous border.  Since the City of Hills is remote, isolated in a sense, the only way for it to attain a contiguous border was to annex a three mile railroad spur that would then physically and legally connect it to Iowa City.  Once this annexation was complete, the Hills Bank began its remarkable story of growth, expansion and success.

 

Some of the whispered accounts of that annexation have long been a source of anger and resentment directed mainly at members serving on the bank’s Board during those years.  The details of the annexation were, to all outward appearances, legal and proper yet many locals were convinced there was more than a small measure of collusion, corruption and other nefarious activities that allowed the annexation to transpire.  One local farmer whose family opposed the annexation of the rail spur when it first became public knowledge, speaking under the condition of anonymity commented, “That whole deal stunk.  My dad knew it, I knew it, lots a folks here abouts knew it.  Them Stutsman’s had a lot to do with it and everyone knows how shady that bunch is.” 

 

The Stutsman’s are a local family with long ties to The City of Hills, the Hills Bank and what is commonly known as the Hills Rail Line.  They own and operate a large agricultural services and trucking company located in Hills.  The current President of Eldon C. Stutsman, Inc., the company’s name sakes eldest son, Ronald E. Stutsman, is also a member of the Hills Bank Board. Stutsman, Inc. partnered with The City of Hills in 2005 and was awarded a federal grant to pay for repairs to the Hills Rail Line.  This recent fact only served to re-enforce the belief of many area residents that without the financial backing and clout of the Stutsman’s, the Hills Bank would never have been able to have the rail line annexation approved.  “You want a story, you look into that whole thing”, said another area farmer.  Virtually everyone spoken to insisted on anonymity each expressing concern that the Stutsman’s and others, could “cause trouble” for them if they spoke for attribution.

 

In December 1985, then serving President of the Hills Bank, John Hughes, was shot to death in his Main Street office by a local disgruntled customer, a farmer deeply in debt to the Hills Bank whose family farm was about to be foreclosed by the bank.  Local rumor has it that the farmer, Dale Burr, had also mentioned plans to shoot Ron Stutsman.  Burr killed himself later in the day after having shot his wife and neighbor in addition to John Hughes.

 

It was the rampage of Dale Burr and his murder of John Hughes that began the undercurrents of rumor and innuendo about the Hills Bank that persist to this day. “John Hughes was a good man but he got into bed with some awful folks.  I’m ain’t sayin’ he deserved to be shot but, it kinda always made me wonder’, commented a farmer from the neighboring community of Lone Tree.

 

Reporting for TBC, Farley Marsden in Hills, Iowa.

 

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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INDICTED BANKER’S FAMILY SLAIN

Embezzler Missing, Van Destroyed In Fiery Crash

 

(Mar. 24, Iowa City, IA)  Iowa City police received an anonymous phone call at approximately 6:30 CDT this morning instructing them to go to a residence on the east side of this university town.  The first officers on the scene at 629 Barrington Road discovered the house to be unlocked.  The bodies of a woman and four children were found within the residence.  The family mini van and the apparent husband and father of those slain within, Steve Sueppel, were both missing.  Sueppel, a 42 year old vice president of a local bank was indicted on numerous federal charges last month including embezzlement, money laundering and various drug charges.

 

While local and state authorities began searching for the Sueppel minivan and Mr. Sueppel, a van matching the description of the Sueppel's was involved in a single vehicle accident on Interstate 80 approximately 9 miles from the Sueppel home.  Law enforcement officials were reluctant to positively identify the wrecked van because its crash sparked a very volatile fire that burned the vehicle and any potential human remains beyond on-scene identification.  Until such positive matches are made, the Iowa Department of Criminal Investigations will neither confirm nor deny Mr. Sueppel was the van’s driver.

 

Steve Sueppel was a Vice President at the Hills Bank and Trust, a local financial institution, for the last 7 years.  In February, he allegedly confessed to embezzling over $500,000 over the course of his employment at the bank.  He also allegedly confessed to using some of the pilfered funds to purchase cocaine.  Mr. Sueppel was also the son of a prominent local attorney, one of the partners at Meardon, Sueppel and Downer in Iowa City. 

 

Scant details have been released thus far by law enforcement agencies involved in the investigation. For the time being, neighbors and friends are expressing disbelief.

 

EDITORIAL NOTE: The Brooding Cynyx have several correspondents located in the Iowa City area who will be providing exclusive, detailed reports in the up coming hours.

 

 

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Brooding Cynyx March 13 thru March 20, 2008

Friday, March 21, 2008

GERALDINE FERRARO ASKS TO APPEAR ON OPRAH

Former Dem VP Candidate Wants Chance To Explain Recent Comments

(Mar. 21, New York City) Just days after being forced to resign from the Hillary Clinton campaign finance committee, Geraldine Ferraro, the first woman ever to run for Vice President in a major party, has asked the producers of the Oprah Winfrey Show if she could be a guest. Ferraro had made some very controversial remarks about democratic presidential frontrunner, Barak Obama, a senator from Illinois. Oprah herself has campaigned for Obama and is considered to be one of his high profile supporters.

Ferraro made comments to a small newspaper in California several weeks ago which reached the national headlines days later. She stated, in part that “He (Obama) would not be where he is if he was white”. That and other comments she made where met with swift indignation and outrage from many influential groups and individuals in the Democratic Party and across the country. Even when confronted by the media about the tone and tenor of her opinions, she refused to back down from them. She accused the media of protecting Senator Obama and that anyone who “dares to make a public statement critical of him” is automatically called a racist. After days of hanging tough, she finally resigned from her post with the Clinton campaign.

Now, apparently, Ferraro is seeking to further explain her comments and herself to a large audience. Her spokesperson, Florentina Fusco told reporters at a news conference that “Ms. Ferraro believes she has been misunderstood, that her comments, as reported in the press were taken out of context. She wants to appear on the Oprah Show so she can have a national dialog with black women who sit home and watch TV all day, eating Doritos and drinking cheap wine, will come to understand her.” Ms. Fusco continued, “Geraldine Ferraro made history as a woman, a white woman and she knows that some dull minded, poorly educated white women love to watch Oprah too. She intends to speak to all of them, even those who haven’t the brains to understand her.”

The Oprah Winfrey Show, which airs from Chicago, has high Nielsen ratings and reaches an audience in the millions daily. Oprah’s audience is vast across all demographic, geographic and economic segments of society. Many high profile politicians and celebrities have used an appearance on the Oprah Show to make apologies for offensive statements or other embarrassing public missteps. Wilma Martin-White, the senior producer for the Oprah Show said in a telephone interview that “We will take Ms. Ferraro’s request under consideration. We will really have to examine her motives and her message. We have many, many people, important people, who want to be on Oprah. Right now we’re trying to book that Jersey hooker who brought down Eliot Spitzer. Larry Craig from Idaho and J.J. Walker have been trying to get on this show for months. Ms. Ferraro will just have to be patient.”

Ms. Ferraro, who had just delivered the keynote address to the Associated Aryan Affiliates in Rupture, Idaho, spoke briefly with some white reporters before boarding her flight to appear at the Daughter’s of the Confederacy Council in Biloxi, Mississippi. Ferraro commented, “Oprah’s telling me to be patient? She wouldn’t even have a TV show if she was just a semi-obese white lady. I’ll be patient, alright. Tell her that I don’t have to wait to appear on Hannity and Combes.”


Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved

McCAIN BROUGHT FEW FACTS WITH HIM ON FACT FINDING TOUR

GOP Presidential Hopeful Came Back With Even Fewer.

(March 18, Tel Aviv, Israel) Having just completed a fact finding tour that took him to Iraq, republican presidential candidate, Senator John McCain of Arizona, stopped in Israel to meet with high ranking officials, bolster his standing with American Jewish voters and to demonstrate the broad scope of his confusion.

Traveling with fellow senators Lindsey Graham of South Carolina and Joe Lieberman of Connecticut, the trio spent their time in Iraq visiting with top commanders and rank and file soldiers. The bulk of their time on the ground was spent within the heavily fortified and protected “Green Zone”. McCain, a staunch supporter of the war in Iraq since the outset and a vocal advocate for the so called “surge”, the GOP candidate appeared to enjoy his time in that battle torn country. “My friends, yes, this surge is working. You bet it is”, commented McCain while on a military transport aircraft on his way to Israel. “Look, we have to defeat them here. Iranians are training Iraqis to become Al Qaeda and they have vast support from Iraqis who wish they were Iranians”, said the somewhat befuddled McCain. Responding to reporters questions the 71 year old former Navy pilot, POW and cradle robber became visibly agitated. “Hey, my friends, I did not pick this to be the transcendent issue of our time. This war on terror, on Islamo-Facists who hate our way of life, uh, that was up to them. I can promise you this; I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell. I will find him and everyone he knows. I will beat him like a mangy dog. That, my friends is what a McCain presidency will be all about.”

When questioned about what potential role Senator Lieberman, a renegade democrat, might play in a McCain administration, the candidate warmed up considerably. “Joe Lieberman is my friend. I am proud of him as a Jew, as a Joe and as a regular Joe who is a Jew. As a Joe Jew, Joe understands the transcendent issue before us. We must keep Joe and all Jews, both in Israel and elsewhere safe from Hamas, Hezbollah and the Islamo-Facists who hate ice cream, music, bagels and wrestling. My friends and Jews, this is our calling. This is what I have prepared my entire life for. This is why I live on Maalox and V-8.” After this statement the senator retired to his cabin for the remainder of the flight. Sources close to the candidate say he had been suffering from a mild case of sun stroke from his time in Iraq. They added that he was receiving an IV drip of Red Bull, Viagra, Ginko Baloba and Pamprin.

Upon arriving in Israel, McCain met with top Israeli officials including Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and his cabinet. Matters of security, American financial aid, trade and American financial aid were the top items on a tightly packed agenda. After hours of intense meetings, McCain gave a brief statement to reporters. “Israel is important to Jews and to me. My friends, Israel is a Jewish state but can continue to co-exist with the Palestinians as long as they keep them oppressed, segregated, deprived of all human rights and behind a big, tall cement wall. I support the Palestinians to seek their own destiny provided Israel can bomb them at will, assassinate anyone they please and continue to occupy their land. America supports this and has been a good friend to Jews and Israel. Nothing will change when I live in the White House.”

Before boarding his flight back to America, McCain commented at the Ben Gurion Airport noting that the Jewish Holiday, Purim, was being celebrated that day. “My Jewish friends, I am glad to be here on Purim, the Jew version of an American favorite holiday, Halloween. We all know what Halloween means to us and Purim to Jews and how Halloween was a major cause of the Holocaust. Jews everywhere should trick or treat today just because they can.” Before the addled senator could make an even larger assh*le of himself then he already had, he was quickly hustled onto the waiting aircraft by several Marines.


Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved

Thursday, March 20, 2008

WE SHOULD ALL BE SHOCKED AND AWED

SHOCKED BY WHAT WE HAVE WROUGHT, AWED THAT THIS PRESIDENT HAS SURVIVED IT

The patient was identified many years ago. There was pathology present, chronic illness with acute episodic flare-ups of various maladies. For an extended period of time the physicians merely observed, they did not intervene beyond some management issues, a few palliative measures conducted more for their sake than the patients.

As time went by new physicians took over management of this patient. They seemed to share very different views and opinions regarding the pathologies involved, the manifestations of the various ills the patient had exhibited in the past and his potential to act as a vector, a carrier of some contagions that could pose a wider threat. Without timely, accurate clinical data available, they relied on theories and the past history of the patient. Discarding the clinical course the previous team of doctors had charted, they began to plot a new path. They could, in their minds, solve all the problems ailing the patient while also eliminating the possibility his illnesses would spread.

They began to develop their plans even as some of the consultants and specialists called in voiced grave doubts regarding the efficacy of what they were planning. Their concerns and doubts were ignored. This team of doctors was experienced. They were seasoned experts in a broad range of specialties; many had worked well together in the past on other difficult cases. Their past success had given them a collective confidence, an arrogance, actually, that would prove fatal.

Best practices demand that prior to any procedure and certainly one of the magnitude planned, the entire battery of diagnostics and imaging modalities be employed. No operation can be commenced without a wealth of information. The doctors do not want to be surprised once the patient is open on the table. In this particular case, this group of doctors was not very diligent in the pre-op phase. They relied on dated imagery and old diagnostic information that was not only aged and suspect, in was seriously flawed. Using improper data is the surest way to make erroneous decisions and undertake actions that are doomed to fail. That is precisely what happened in this tragic case.

The fear of a malpractice suit never crossed the minds of these stubborn doctors. This team, individually and collectively, felt absolutely immune to any negative repercussions resulting from their actions. They were so bold in their certainty that prior to the actual procedure they offered a glowing prognosis: not only would their operation be a success, the patient would be healed beyond anyone’s expectations, this patient’s recovery would usher in a new era of robust health and wellness for many other patients similar to this one. The threat of a widespread, virulent contagion would forever be eradicated and never again would there be cases of this pathology again. They were not simply performing their miracle on this one patient but, by virtue of that one operation, many others would be healed, cured and brought to a level of wellness they long aspired to.

What transpired since has been the typical cascading of events. The patient has been a clinical nightmare and, truly to the disbelief of anyone familiar with the case, the patient had languished in critical condition for four entire years before a new approach was implemented. The suffering and trauma from that four year state of near death has taken a toll that has not only dramatically impacted the patient’s ultimate chances for recovery but his survival. That he has lasted this long, endured so many invasive procedures, lost so much blood and been clinical dead untold times is miraculous. Now, five years later, to announce that he has achieved partial recovery based on the drastic measures taken one year ago, four years into the raging illness, is an almost criminal statement. Having left the patient in such abysmal condition, under the care of so many grossly incompetent doctors defines neglect and tragedy of the highest order. Other patients have watched this course; some have grown sicker while others have lost all confidence in the abilities of the institution for which all these doctors worked is capable of anything beneficial.

Looking at the patient today one cannot help but feel pain. Pain mixed with anger that such an abomination was permitted to be perpetrated. Arguments pro and con are rhetorical at this point. What’s done is done and even now, the life of the patient hangs in the balance.

This clinical presentation provides a brief summary of our patient, Iraq. Iraq has endured what George W. Bush and his cast of maniacal imbeciles have inflicted upon it and its ultimate prognosis now, even this far along, remains no better than 50-50. Soon, this group will abandon the patient and leave the case management for another group to resolve. That is part of their arrogance, ineptitude and abject cowardice. They have admitted defeat, kept the patient on life support for five years and will soon exit the arena.

We have a stake in Iraq’s recovery. Everyone does. America, Iraq’s geographical neighbors, every one has an interest. The failures so sadly and blatantly demonstrated during the course of the last five years has not only inflicted irreparable harm on our patient, Iraq and it’s people, but on people all over the globe who once possessed faith and confidence that America could and would cure ills. Their faith has been shattered as they have witnessed what has transpired in Iraq.

It is beyond shameful that the original planners and implementers of this operation had not the fortitude, intelligence and judgment to adhere to the adage, “First, do no harm.” This applies in medicine and geopolitics especially when military intervention is chosen as an option to the exclusion of all others. First, do no harm. How many lives would have been spared had someone in authority, someone in this administration of lunatics, some one brave individual among them would have voiced our prime responsibility to first, do no harm.

The operation may have been a success but the patient is just about dead.


Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

RACE AGAINST TIME

Obama Addresses Our National “Racial Stalemate”

(March 18, Philadelphia, PA) If democratic presidential hopeful, Barak Obama’s speech given here earlier today has any longevity beyond the 37 minutes it took to deliver it and the hours since spent analyzing it, is largely irrelevant. Virtually forced to speak about race relations in America after his pastor, Jeremiah Wright’s controversial remarks entered the public domain, the Illinois Senator’s speech was political, personal and extremely important. It was a speech that only he could give.

As the product of a mixed race, broken home, the Harvard educated lawyer is poised to become the first African-American presidential candidate. Currently engaged in a bitter, often hostile, contentious battle with his opponent, New York Senator, Hillary Clinton, their contest is as historic as it has been divisive. Issues long simmering throughout our society, matters anchored to the thick, gnarled roots of history, have emerged in all their ugliness demanding attention.

Obama, as the first viable black presidential candidate obviously injects an overdose of race into the contest while the infusion of gender stares out at us as Mrs. Clinton seeks to be our Commander-in-Chief. Race and gender; two long time, hot-button issues not only in politics but in society as a whole. As each issue is possessed of its own complexity, history and legacy, they are not of equal weight in the collective conscious nor in reality. The differentiation between them is obvious and apparent. To equate the struggle of women to vote and for equal rights in the workplace is to put it on par with one of the most sordid, tragic, cancerous chapters in our nation’s history.

Obama deftly presented his thoughts on the state of race relations today and yesterday emphasizing the “generational” differences in the black populace. Collective memory is as long as is the history that shaped it. Anger bred from centuries of inhumanity once condoned by the US Constitution does not easily diminish. When the ramifications of that history reverberate throughout every aspect of our culture to this day, minds must be opened or, if not opened, at least exposed to some simple yet profound truths.

The primary fight between Clinton and Obama has been hardcore, sometimes counterintuitive but, in many ways, played out predictably. The demographics of the votes cast reflect the inherent divisions within our society despite evidence that significant numbers of voters have not aligned with race or gender. It has all been confusing, to a degree surprising and sadly, virtually preordained to have devolved to the place it has.

Senator Obama, no matter his true motivations, reasons or purposes did, in fact, across the street from where our Constitution was written, stepped into the breach having taken ownership of the podium exposed by this devolution of discourse. Attitudes and opinions were not necessarily Obama’s targets; after all, they are notoriously difficult to change. It appeared that he was after our nuanced neural processes, that mysterious, infinitely complex apparatus from which our attitudes and opinions form and reside. It was if we were all being asked just to “think” about this, just to try to imagine the other side of the coin be it black and white, male or female, us or them. For all our technical sophistication and digitally enhanced awareness, we should be challenged to think.

Maybe time does heal all wounds, a lot of time. Perhaps after the last of the generations that remember America before women could vote, the Civil Rights movement and subsequent legislation, Jim Crow, forced bussing, race riots, water hoses as crowd control, boycotts, marches, the Equal Rights Amendments fight, the 1940’s, ‘50’s, ‘60’s and 70’s have passed on, race and gender will exist less conspicuously in the fabric of that society, those future days and times.

We know that thus far time has not promoted much healing; actually, time has been an enemy in the sense that we have allowed far too much to elapse before being asked to think about the things we need to think about. That time elapsed saw many well intentioned but inherently flawed attempts to reconcile the past with the present. They are far too numerous to mention. Most did more harm than good and what good did manage to see the light of day was usually tainted and blemished from the fires that forged it.

Possibly we are moving to a better place. The issue of “race” as a black and white history, of one intimately and monogamously related to our Civil War is morphing into the multicultural spectrum that defines more and more of us. The evolution of our nation has been in a new phase for many years with the influx of non-eastern Europeans; Hispanics, Asians and mixed race people of every combination are more numerous now than Caucasians. This should not be viewed with fear or associated as a cause for any of our many social problems. It is what it is, we are who we are.

The question of whether or not having a black man as the President of the United States will or will not promote any kind of “healing”, whatever that means, should not be asked at all. It is unanswerable on its face. A more appropriate question and one with far broader ramifications for our future as a united country might be, can this man make us think and are we willing to think about what we need to?

To be continued…sometime later this year.

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved
 
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Saturday, March 15, 2008

WITH ALL THE HOOKERS IN NEW YORK YOU PAID WHAT?

I never laughed so hard when I heard the news about Elliot Spitzer. That made my week. This scumbag attorney general and Governor tried to ruin one of my companies with false accusations and had me wasting time in a mountain of paper for weeks on one of his fishing expeditions. I had to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight this crook. Hell I would have given him all the hookers he wanted if I would have known that's what he liked!

Well Governor all I can say now is HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Has anyone ever noticed when these democrat sick freaks go around accusing people of wrong doing, its usually the one doing the accusing that's doing the wrong?

Elliot, have your wife give me a call if she needs a good divorce attorney, you have my number!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

ELLIOT’S MESS

(March 13, 2008, NYC) Another high profile politico falls victim to their own foibles. This is hardly a story. The hypocrisy of a former New York State Attorney General whose career was made by destroying others is mind-numbing and laughable. Ironies hang all over this sordid tale like seaweed on a buoy. Perhaps there is some sort of cosmic justice, some unseen celestial force moving matter and circumstance so that what does go ‘round will indeed come ‘round. This is one way to look at the public disgrace of the recently resigned governor of New York State, Elliot Spitzer.

Certainly there are a variety of perspectives from which to view this particular scandal. The last few days have seen every angle covered and speculated on from the secret needs of powerful men, to their unconscious desire for risk threw the entire gamut of New Age pseudo-science that provides endless theories for every and any physical, mental, emotional, psychological, societal or behavioral malady. Who really cares? Who really wants to know?

Aside from the collective voyeuristic glee of witnessing the fall from power of a
wealthy, privileged man whose entire life was lived well above the hardscrabble realities of most, there is in this case a distinct element of retribution: somehow Spitzer deserves this. He certainly made his share of enemies throughout his career and was never shy in staging their public humiliation.

Every cliché’ related to glass houses and being careful about who you step over on your way up because they will be waiting for you on your way down is appropriately true. Elliot Spitzer was the quintessential scumbag with ‘small man syndrome’. Whatever drove him will most likely never be known to anyone but him. That’s fine. The best thing is that this one little, bitter, angry, egotistical man is removed from the position of power he held and would have continued to misuse and abuse.

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Broodingcynyx Feb.18 thru March 12 2008...

OUR EXTENDED ABSENCE

FLAGS REMAIN AT HALF STAFF
Official Period of Mourning Ends


(March 12, NY, NY) We have not been here for awhile. Our absence was circumstance driven initially, intentional thereafter. The Brooding Cynyx suffered a great loss last week when one of our own, actually, the original driving force who established are “Mission” passed away on the third of March. He had taken a terrible fall down a flight of stairs on February 16, was admitted to the Critical Care Unit and never left the building alive.

In the wake of his death, the Cynyx, collectively, decided to cease posting for a period of mourning. Out of respect for our newly deceased Cynyc Emeritus, we felt it would be inappropriate to engage in our usual activities, the time and efforts associated with bringing our loyal readers the quality of news, commentary, satire and observations that you have come to expect and most certainly deserve.

Yes, some said that our Emeritus would not have wanted us to cease posting. After all, it was by his mandate we began doing that which we do. However, the profound nature of the loss warranted a powerful gesture here, on this blog, to mark his passing.

His unremarkable death belied his remarkable life. Among many accomplishments of a Marine Corps veteran, a blue collar worker, husband, father and friend were the things he gave to so many. By example he taught; he taught all those things that no school could ever begin to teach. He taught the intangibles and he taught them well.

He taught a full advanced curriculum in character, integrity, honesty and strength. The core courses included powerful lessons about sacrifice, tolerance, patience and humility. By his living example the education he provided was on-going until he expired that one last time and the cardiac monitor went monotone. Pride and dignity were demonstrated daily in his life and most certainly in his death: A Marine to the end. The lessons he learned as a 19 year old on Parris Island added to the inherent traits and strengths his by birth, by time and place.

Possessed of a child like faith of the highest order, parts of his life were more than tests of that faith. If there ever was the proverbial “hard luck guy”, it was him. But, despite circumstances and choices, playing a poorly dealt hand, he was also an original “Stand Up Guy”. He carried his load with a quiet strength and grace that put him in a class of his own. If he had a temper, it was so rarely in evidence that one could be forgiven for seeing him as passive. That would have been an error. He was anything but passive; his “uncommon valor” was his most remarkable virtue.

He and his generation have received their due justice in recent years thanks to popular books and films depicting the major events from the Great depression, World War II through the sixties and seventies. He was part of it all, one among millions yet, recognized for his uniqueness even by his peers.

He passed quietly into what lies beyond. He stepped lightly along that ill defined line until he felt the time was right. Called home, released from his earthly burdens, he will always remain.

Friday, March 7, 2008

GOD'S SPEED MARINE

We lost one of our own this week. Without going into to much detail, we lost a good man this week. A man with faults just like the rest of us, a man who did what he could to provide for his family. He did not discover any great cure, or a new planet or invent a new machine to make him millions, he was just a man. A man who cared for his son, a man who was a provider for his wife for more than fifty years, he was just a man. A man who raised kids, who put some of those kids through college, who are now, doctors, who might discover the cure, he was just a man. A man who served his country, his community, his family, he was just a man. Tread lightly Marine and thank you for just being a man.

OBAMA AND CLINTON:THE FORNICATION CONTINUES

Obama and Mrs. Bill Clinton please, keep the game going. Between them they have about five minutes of experience working in government. The only thing these two are good at is shady land deals, and dealing with scumbag fund raisers. Where else but the Democrat primary can you be loosing and call yourself the front runner, or what other party can you promise change, and not know what your going to change, let alone how to change it or what your going to change it to?

I sure am glad the Pennsylvania primary is a month away because this perversion of the process has to continue. This is better than watching a Comedy Central combined with the Spice channel marathon. I have seen more "Three Stooges" slapping and more anal exploration between Obama and Clinton in the last few weeks, more than Mr. Bill Clinton could have dreamed up with a five dollar hooker, a fat intern and a El Producto Blunt, and one of these idiots is going to have a chance at the most powerful office in the world. God help us.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

CYNYX EVERYWHERE REMAIN IN MOURNING

(March 6, NYC) Everyone probably feels the same level of emotion when they think of their Dad. We can all recall images from our past, summon up glimpses of our youth, and recollect the countless gestures of kindness, patience and plain old love. Dad died the other day.

He was sent off yesterday with a Mass in the church were so much of his life, and ours, was the site of milestones. Baptisms, Communions, Confirmations; all the rituals of Roman Catholicism that were ours by birth. The pews in that fine old house of worship had provided refuge and respite for our family, friends and neighbors for almost a century.


It is a bit odd to consider that this proud, quiet man lived his 76 years within a radius of under 10 miles. Aside from his years in the Marine Corps, the streets he played on as a child were the very same as those he walked just weeks before his death.


Death often comes like a thief in the night; it did not for him. His was a death that was a bit protracted, not measured in agonizing months but rather as days that elongated and warped, trudged into weeks that felt like years. It would be easy to read too much into his last weeks; such a hospital scenario lends itself far too readily to hyperbole. There was a dramatic component to it all that went beyond the clinical realities that kept his trapped in a body that was failing. Could he hear? Did he experience pain? Was he aware that we were there?

Each of us began the trip home from a far flung location. We had all scattered when we came of age for reasons and circumstances partially chosen, and somewhat seemingly pre-ordained. Miles and years evolve into distance, distance that is measurable and infinite at the same time. He began his final journey very near where it had all begun. That was not a bad thing. There is something to be said for that kind of consistency, that level of comfortability and acceptance of self and life.

There were times in the past when we thought they should move, Mom and Dad could not still be there? Yet, they remained while that neighborhood rode the varied waves of change, good and bad, up and down. They were witness to generations born, grown and moved; where they, and they alone, had outlived lived all our original neighbors. It was from this place our lives were shaped and we are as much a part of it as was he.

That place remains and will for a longer time than we can imagine now. It will change for good and bad and see the comings and goings of more generations. But, for the first time in nearly 80 years it will forever be altered, not noticeably, not dramatically. His absence will change the place and all those who live there now and those who will come to live there never knowing who he was.

At least we, all of us, knew him and for that, we have been blessed beyond measure.

Be well, Dad.

Walk gently home to see those you have missed for so long. They have been waiting.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

NAVY READIES TO SHOOT AT FALLING SATELLITE

BUSH WANTED LUNAR ECLIPSE SHOT AT ALSO

(Feb. 20, Washington, DC) Tonight in the Pacific Ocean, west of the Hawaiian Island, the USS Lake Erie will launch a specially modified missile in an effort to blow up a satellite that is falling to earth. The United States spy satellite has been dysfunctional since December 2006 and is expected to crash to the earth sometime in March. The decision to blow it up with a missile was made by President George W. Bush who has never, during his tenure as Commander in Chief, passed up an opportunity to blow something up.

Initial projections from NASA, the NSA, CIA and CNN predicted the errant satellite would not pose a threat to earth as its orbital altitude decreases. However, additional computer models indicated the 5000 pound object was falling at a rate of speed upwards of 21, 500 miles per hour. The real threat aboard the satellite is its full tank of frozen, toxic hydrazine propellant. Rear Admiral Gus “Harry” Nevus speaking to reporters at the Pentagon earlier said “Heck, if we were certain it was going to land in New Jersey or Iowa, someplace like that, we’d just let the old girl drop. But, it might hit someplace that matters and then we could have troubles”.

Commander of the guided missile destroyer USS Lake Erie (whose name is classified), charged with executing this challenging task, was interviewed via phone from the bridge of his ship. “I assure you the Staff and Crew of this fine vessel are well prepared and honored to be trusted with this mission. We have no doubt we will succeed. Besides that, even if we do miss, there won’t be any collateral damage”, commented the Annapolis grad. He added, “This mission is about doing good. We are so accustomed to doing bad that the notion of doing good is good. We enjoy launching missiles where ever we are told to. Shooting one into space to prevent a catastrophe on earth, well, that is a noble chore. Frankly, I and my crew are bored with launching missiles at Middle Eastern countries. This will be a nice break. Besides, the President says we get some R & R in Honolulu if we hit the b*tch on the first shot. Believe you me; we need some R & R”.

After meeting with tribal leaders and journeymen warriors in the African nation, Ghana, President Bush visited with the traveling press. He answered a wide variety of questions with incoherent, rambling, fragmented utterings better understood by the tribal leaders then the press. “We can’t have it. That’s as simple as I can say it. My generals and admirals, the folks on the ground around there told me we had to blow this satellite up. I agreed. We can’t have some satellite just smashing into our country…our, er…ah,…planet. I won’t have it. I’m the decider and I decided, let’s blow the f*cker up”. The President then departed for a rhino ride, safari and green monkey hunt. Once atop the rhino, over his shoulder, a smiling Bush yelled to the press, “Hey y’all, they tell me we might be able to see the explosion from here.”

Earlier in the week, Mr. Bush caused some controversy when he announced that he ordered the Navy to shoot missiles at the lunar eclipse which will occur tonight. He made comments while on board Air Force One saying, “That eclipse doesn’t know who it’s dealin’ with. No force or influence can or will interfere with military actions. We are prepared to blast that eclipse out of the sky if we have to but, of course, that is a last resort. We can negotiate but…” Presidential aides cut Mr. Bush off mid sentence and escorted him to a private cabin.

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved

NO MORE SYMPATHY

IT’S THE STORY, NOT THE DEATH
Voyeuristic Element of Infotainment


(Feb. 18, New York, NY) It’s never about a person; it is always about an event. This is an old complaint, a tired observation and commentary on who we are, as a people, when it comes to life. Not the phony arguments about “Life” as posited by the right wing conservatives. (Their hypocrisy is another matter.) Life, as in, that time each human being spends on earth as a sentient, cognizant being fully imbued with all the capabilities, emotions, desires, etc… as we all are. There is a baseline of commonality beyond those that define a species.

The theories and arguments are really not important. Even cancer has an unknown etiology. It’s not about movie and TV violence, violent music lyrics, video games or sports. It is not about somehow being culturally immune to and callous about the loss of human life. Notions like these seem to say that we were somehow victims of some force or forces that somehow mysteriously altered us. We don’t know how, when or where this mystery alteration occurred nor what precisely created it. This entire line of thinking is such a flimsy, cheap, overused, excuse that most people seem to accept it as fact. May there exist some modicum of truth within these arguments? Perhaps. Are there external cultural influences that affect some of us more profoundly than others? Sure. Has our threshold for mayhem, murder and catastrophe been heightened by what we are exposed to in the various media? Most certainly.. But all of these elements have the feel to them that we were victimized. Victimization, such as this would imply, supposes mass susceptibility, negation of logic, reason and emotion on a vast scale that seems inherently implausible.

A female psychiatrist is hacked to death in the “Silk Stocking District”, Manhattan’s Upper East Side, in the 19th Precinct. Five college students are murdered, shot to death, sitting in a geology lecture at Northern Illinois University. The body of a female student is discovered in the desert outside Las Vegas: she had been raped, murdered and her corpse had lain in the badlands for approximately one week prior to discovery. Some distraught teenager shoots up a shopping mall in Omaha. The list goes on and a new list is being generated as this is being written.

During a recent week of events involving the unnatural loss of life, the Newark (NJ) Star Ledger reported that the City of Newark had actually gone 33 days WITHOUT a homicide. Points of reference? The absence of unnatural death was NEWS; news worthy of being reported. What does that indicate, if anything? Everything is relative, right? Certainly it is. Cable news outlets cover a single isolated abduction, murder or other crime with a zest and zeal unabashedly sordid and exploitive. Microphones are thrust into the facing of miners weeping wives as the fate of their husbands trapped underground is uncertain. Witnesses and survivors relate their experiences over and over again as if they are recounting a verified alien abduction. We eat it up. We suck it all in and quickly thirst for more.

There is a “chicken or the egg” component to this phenomenon. Do we drink it all in because it is put in front of us in all its sensationalistic, Technicolor, hi-def, pod-casted digital wizardry or is the media writ large merely satisfying our appetites? Yes, this debate has been on-going since the 1970’s. Perhaps most of the questions that define the issue are rhetorical, they merely serve as prompters for us to take a look at ourselves.

Copyright © 2008 TBC All Rights Reserved
Copyright © 2008 BronxWest Consulting

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